Monday, February 20, 2017

Pheaturing Jacob Davich

How much rump would Trump hump if Trump could hump rump with a tiny stump? As much rump as Trump could hump, if Trump could fit his stump. Oh, man. Haha. Hi, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday... it's President's Day. Let's celebrate President's Day with the reckless abandon of a local appliance store. The Mexican acronym of the day, FTP (Fuck That Puto). Anyway, happy President's Day to all presidents but Trump. Not only is it President's Day, it's also my 20th anniversary working at Walt Disney World. Yep, for twenty-nine years I saved my morning dumps for work so I can get paid to poop. Hahaha.
Speaking of Disney, let's start off with a Disney related story.
Lindsay Lohan might not have acted in a major theatrical role since 2013's Scary Movie 5, but she's got a little idea brewing. She wants to play Ariel in a live-action remake of Disney's animated classic, A Little Mermaid, because, duh, have you seen her hair? And sure, Lindsay Lohan hasn't put out an album (her first and last) since 2004, but come on, have you even seen her hair?? It's red! Like Ariel's! Yesterday morning, Lohan took to Instagram to post a side-by-side photo of her and the Disney princess. Originally, the caption outlined her plan for bringing her idea to fruition, but now the scheme has been replaced with a simple and uncontroversial #thelittlemermaid. According to "EW," the original caption read, "I will sing again, as #ariel #thelittlemermaid [if] @Disney approve that #billcondon directs it," referring to the director who helped bring musical films like Chicago and Dream Girls to life. It's entertaining that the only contingency Lohan mentions is whether or not Bill Condon will agree to direct the film, not whether she will get cast or if the movie will even be made by Disney, but you have to respect her confidence. Would Lohan make a great Ariel? Who's to say. But let us not forget the fact that Lohan has played opposite herself not once, but twice, in The Parent Trap and again in I Know Who Killed Me. Plus, her hair.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. And some are aiming a little lower than greatness. Take this mad genius who figured out how a little patience could get him a big payday... in the form of a lawsuit settlement... from megastore superchain Walmart. Is this the best get-rich-quick scheme we've ever seen? Not even close, but still, the man is thinking outside the box, and that's saying something.

People, this is what courage looks like. And we need to celebrate it. The only problem I can foresee, besides the fact that the scheme has gone viral, is that he made a slight miscalculation as to where he was standing. Anyway, legend has it that he's still out there at Walmart right now, waiting through the night for the gentle breeze that will knock that "P" off the side of the building and make him a millionaire. His resolve, though, is unshakeable. As President Trump would say: SEE YOU IN COURT.
Science has determined the five most beautiful women in the world, so adjust your boners. The study is based on the Greek Golden Ratio of Beauty Phi, a thousands of years old measurement of facial features that determines the "perfect" face. It was conducted by Dr. Julian De Silva at the The Centre For Advanced Facial Cosmetic & Plastic Surgery. Dr. De Silva told the "Daily Mail, "We have devised a brand new computer mapping technique which can calculate how to make subtle improvements to facial shapes. With this ground-breaking technology, we have solved some of the mysteries of what it is that makes someone physically beautiful." Ugh, if that isn't the most depressing quote ever. It's a complicated measurement system that you honestly shouldn't waste your time on, but give it a try if you like being disappointed. So, who is the most "beautiful" woman in the word? Drum roll please... Amber Heard! That's right, Johnny Depp's ex (currently in the midst of a messy divorce) was declared the most beautiful woman by Dr. De Silva's study. Who else does Dr. De Silva think is smoking hot? Here are the remaining women that made up the top 5! Kim Kardashian, Kate Moss, Emily Ratajkowski and Kendall Jenner. Others that made the list were Helen Mirren, Scarlett Johansson, Selena Gomez, Marilyn Monroe, and Jennifer Lawrence. Wot? Kelly Clarkson is not on the list? Bull. Shit.
Okay, we have to talk about the president... President Trump has been faring so badly in Washington, D.C.... what with the leaks, resignations, foiled executive orders, and memes... that he decided to throw one of his signature campaign rallies in Melbourne, Florida, on Saturday. Sure, the 2020 election is a loooooong 1,354 days away, but when you can't get jack done with your kleptocracy in the nation's capital, it's nice to get some adulation from your throngs of adoring fans in the heartland of Real America. Okay, so maybe the turnout wasn't that great. But Trump doesn't care about appearances! He cares about the American people! Which is why he's... making them applaud for him instead of working to create those jobs he promised? Anyway, he was already pretty incoherent on the campaign trail, but a month into his presidency, Donald Trump's improvised on-the-record comments are more baffling than ever. Saturday... which, incidentally, found him back in rally mode... he dropped another vaguely menacing reference that no one understood, "You look at what's happening in Germany. You look at what's happening last night in Sweden... Sweden... who would believe this? Sweden, they took in large numbers, they are having problems like they never thought possible. You look at what's happening Brussels, you look at what's happening all over the world." As the current citizen-operator of the @sweden account confirmed, while being swiftly overwhelmed with notifications... nothing of import actually occurred. Now, perhaps the simplest thing would be to say Trump's inventing some terrorist incident out of thin air. Or just half-remembering a Fox News segment. Surely he was referring to something? Whatever it was, I'm sure it was tragic, and utterly preventable. Please, a moment of silence now for Sweden.
Star Wars fans still have to wait until December 15th to see the franchise's next installment, The Last Jedi. But despite Disney's total crackdown on spoilers, the hype train shows no signs of slowing down. Nerds are latching onto any hint they possibly can to figure out what might happen in Episode VIII, and now they've got a big one. After the title of The Last Jedi was announced in January, fans immediately started speculating. Who is the last Jedi? Luke? Rey? That buttface guy from A New Hope? You know, Ponda Baba. Until now, there was no clue. But on Friday, Star Wars Twitter accounts in other languages shared the official translations of The Last Jedi for the first time. And due to the "Force" of linguistics, we now have some very interesting information about what it really means. Any Spanish speakers out there will already have noticed it. (And to all my Spanish-speaking readers, hola!) The title The Last Jedi is actually PLURAL. As in, there is more than one last Jedi. We just never noticed it in English, because the plural of "Jedi" is "Jedi." (Way to mess with us, Lucas.) Fan immediately started freaking out. And it's not just in Spanish. Fans who speak other languages that pluralize definite articles confirmed it. This should come as a relief to all the geeks who worried that the title implied Luke was going to die. He still could definitely die, but some of the pressure is off.If anything, this revelation only raises further questions. Are Luke and Rey the last Jedi, or has Luke secretly been training a whole academy of recruits to fight alongside them? Or is there another group of Jedi hidden somewhere in the galaxy, waiting to make their presence known? I  figured it out. The Ewoks are all Jedi. You're welcome.
Hey, this just in what Trump was referring to when he mentioned "last night in Sweden."

Or maybe it's this...

Oh, the horror. I'm glad they released a poster to remember that horrible day on February 17th...

Luckily Ikea sells this by the way...

Oh, Sweden. So, Trump just signed a new executive order this morning. Let's see what it is...

Ummm... I don't think that's an executive order. The White House has been compromised. Hahaha. Only a handful of my readers will appreciate that. Did you know Disney, the greatest company to work for ever, is coming out with a movie starring Trump?

That's not Kellyanne's first movie though. She was in another movie in the 70s...

Scary. Do you kids play the video game "Skyrim"? There's a brand new character in the game.

Did you see that Trump press conference that was a shit show last week? There was one part I liked about it...

So, there's a lot of Trump products out there, and not all are flattering. Like this one for instance...

You might not realize it but some of your... yes, your!... friends like Donald Trump on Facebook. Now, there's an easy way to find out who they are. Created by Gabriel Whaley, the website, shows users who among their Facebook friends like the controversial presidential. It's always been possible to create a list of your friends who like Trump (or anything, for that matter) by typing "My Friends who like X" into Facebook's search bar, but Whaley's site makes it easier and infinitely shareable. Okay, so, there's a lot of blogs out there for you to chose from. Not all have been around for 11 years or is as popular as this one.... haha... but there's so many. So, once again here is...

Today's award goes to This is what it looks like...

Looks... ummm... interesting. The last entry was May, 2015? Anyway, check it out and tell him the Phile sent you. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Startling Similarities Or Differences Between Trump's Press Conference And A Bus Station Bathroom
5. Is full of ugly sounds that you'll never be able to unheard.
4. Makes you question the existence of a just and loving God.
3. Features a high degree of decorum and respect for those who have gone before.
2. There's someone one on staff capable of cleaning up resulting messes.
And the number one similarity or difference between Trump's press conference and a bus station bathroom is...
1. Shit, shit and more shit!

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Hey, want a good laugh?

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

Okay, so the Oscars are next weekend so if you are having an Oscar party or just going to an Oscar party I thought it'll be fun to tell you some Oscar facts. Marlon Brando and Robert De Niro are the only two actors to win Oscars (Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor) for playing the same character in different films: Vito Corleone in The Godfather (1972) and The Godfather, Part II (1974), respectively.

Omar Abdel-Rahman 
May 3rd, 1938 — February 18th, 2017
Hard to bill yourself as a bad-ass terrorist when you wear a Santa hat every day of your life. Dummy.

President's Day
President's Day is an annual U.S. holiday honoring those in the market for a new mattress or car.

The 57th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author Shelly Ambrose will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is a very talented musician whose new single "My Father's Gun" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Jacob Davich.

Me: Jacob! Welcome to the Phile, man. How are you doing?

Jacob: As of this moment extremely well thank you, cut myself shaving this morning but other than that I can't complain!

Me: Okay, so, let's get this outta the way and then we can focus on your music... you were a child actor, am I right?

Jacob: You are well informed, my friend, I was an acting child indeed.

Me: How old were you when you started to act, Jacob?

Jacob: I was 12 years old when out of sheer happenstance I stumbled into the first iTunes commercial ever to hit the air. It was a classic right time right place story.

Me: How old are you now, Jacob?

Jacob: I am now 26, the child has evolved, had to happen eventually right?

Me: Yeah. You were in the movies The Aviator and The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl. I never saw that movie but I think my son who was just a kid at the time saw it on TV or video. You weren't Sharkboy, right?

Jacob: Heyyy that's what I like to hear, I hope your son still watches it as a grown man! Just kidding, but no I was not Sharkboy that was Taylor Lautner, who as I remember was a very cool dude.

Me: Who did you play in the movie?

Jacob: I was the bad guy in the movie with two alternating identities, Linus and Minus. I must confess I enjoyed being a bad guy far more than I would have enjoyed being the good guy.

Me: I have a pic of you from that movie...

Me: Was that the first movie you were in, Jacob?

Jacob: The first movie I ever worked on was The Aviator. I'm easily one of the luckiest people in Los Angeles to say that I dropped into the industry by sheer happenstance to find myself on a Martin Scorsese set performing a scene with Leonardo DiCaprio. The casting director saw my iTunes commercial and thought I looked like a young Leo at the time. It was crazy and I probably shelled out all my luck for the rest of my life in that one moment... but damn it was worth it.

Me: Do you have a favorite movie that you were in?

Jacob: The Aviator will always have the most cred, but I definitely had the most fun on Sharkboy and Lava Girl. I mean it was all green screen, I had a lead role as the villain, and I gotta play Xbox with Robert Rodriguez and George Lopez in between scenes. I was having the time of my life.

Me: I bet that was a cool experience. Did Leonardo give you any acting advice or advice about life? 

Jacob: What Leo taught me was how to always be gracious to people, no matter how famous you are. He could have shrugged me off and hid in his trailer but instead he cracked open a Coke and hung out with little 13 year old me in between shot setups. Probably not what most people would expect from someone that famous.

Me: When was the last time you acted, Jacob?

Jacob: The last thing I worked on I believe was an episode of "Shameless," which I was almost a main character in! I always did little episodes of shows in between movies to stay on my toes.

Me: I love that show! You put acting on hold to concentrate on your music career... which is smart. Your songs are really good. Was it a hard decision?

Jacob: Well thank you for the compliment, and frankly it didn't even feel like a decision, it happened pretty organically. It's a long walk from age 12 to 22 and there came a point when I realized that I was a better musician than I was an actor and it wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, ya know? I'll let you know in 20 years how that decision worked out.

Me: Do you think you'll go back into acting again?

Jacob: If it presents itself I'll always consider an opportunity. Truthfully I just don't have a taste for it anymore. If I had pursued it as a kid and then switched to music before I ever got anywhere with acting than it might feel like something left undone. But since I experienced so much and got relatively far, it feels like I checked that box off my list I guess. Acting... check. Coooool let's see what else is going on around here!

Me: Okay, what if Disney calls you and say they want you in a new Marvel movie or Star Wars movie would you do it?

Jacob: I would probably say hell yes to either of those major franchise blockbusting motion pictures, I'd be crazy not to. But I'm not going to go out of my way at this point to convince them they need me in their next movie. Because I don't mind telling ya... that is really really really hard to do. It takes a lifetime of dedication and then also a pile of luck, just to get into the rooms where people are considered for movies like that.

Me: Jacob, where are you originally from?

Jacob: I'm from Pasadena, California, baby!

Me: Where do you live now? I live in Pasadena, California, baby! I love it here. 20 minutes away from downtown L.A. but with the added benefit of fresh oxygen, some trees, and a couple squirrels running around. The perfect balance.

Me: How long have you been writing music and playing guitar, Jacob?

Jacob: I started playing guitar when I was 15, and dove in head first. Went right for the James Taylor/Lindsey Buckingham style of intricate finger picking. I soaked up a lot of great music in those early years and wrote some songs as a teenager but after a few years of foolishness and goofing off, I actually started trying to write "good" songs when I was about 22.

Me: Did you take music lessons? What about acting lessons when you did that?

Jacob: Acting lessons no. That was one thing that I just didn't really vibe with. I got as far as I did with my basic instincts and that was working as a kid. If I stayed with it as an adult I might have taken some classes. Music on the other hand is a different bag, I definitely benefited from really good music teachers. My pops is one of the greatest piano players I'll ever know so having him in the house to bother with every little musical question that popped in my head was pretty convenient. Also My first guitar teacher was a man named Marc Bonilla, truly one of the greatest guitar players of all time. So I had it pretty damn good musically speaking.

Me: What did your parents think of your musical talents and you changing careers? Were they surprised?

Jacob: Hmm good question. My pops has been a TV composer forever so he at least knew the industry and could find out who was full of it and who wasn't. They've always been pretty damn supportive. It takes guts to even let your kid work at any rate as a 12-year-old, and I know a lot of kids who got destroyed by the rejection of acting, it can be pretty rough. But I had great parents and had music to keep me company in between those rejections so I had it pretty good.

Me: Your father was a TV composer?

Jacob: My father, Marty Davich, is a great TV and film composer, he wrote all the music for "ER" which was a huge show for NBC for several years so I grew up around a working composer. My mother is a wonderful artist who was a clothing designer for many years, she always supported her children being artistic in any way possible.

Me: I love your new song "My Father's Gun." What is that song about, Jacob?

Jacob: It's about a young man who's got nothing more to lose after the death of his father, and he's ready to hop on that westbound train headed for the promised land. Who can't relate to that from time to time?

Me: In the song you sing "my name is Johnny Casper." Who is Johnny Casper?

Jacob: Welllll, I needed a name for this down and out character, trying to scrape together what's left of his shattered mentality, and that name just stuck with me. Johnny Casper, I don't know it just had a sort of dark and gloomy, somewhat mysterious ring to it. Of course once you settle on something for a certain period of time it's hard to picture anything else in it's place, but I still think it's a cool name. 

Me: Does songwriting come easy to you like you're writing a story?

Jacob: No, I wouldn't say it comes easy at all. The music comes easier than the lyrics but I guess I have a certain pride that demands me to also write my own lyrics, to be the sole proprietor of my songs. When it comes time to put my lyrics into stone (a.k.a. a piece of paper) I sit and I sweat and I get frustrated for what seems like forever but eventually when I have something I'm satisfied with it's worth the stressing!

Me: I love the horns in the song, Jacob. Did you have an idea when you were writing that song how you wanted it to sound?

Jacob: Dude, the instrumentation arrangements on this track are insane, right?? Actually, no the horns were my dads idea, he wanted just this little mariachi thing happening in just a couple places. But then the string player came in with this crazy dramatic string part, which then the horn player heard and basically said ah-hah! I'll show you! And tried to one up him, and what resulted was like this Quentin Tarantino style musical section which I couldn't deny, I loved it immediately!

Me: Who are your influences?

Jacob: Ah yes, the most pivotal question of all for any musician. Let's do it this way, my personal favorite songwriter is Paul Simon. Like that's my guy, if I could magically make someone disappear from history and then steal all their songs it'd be him. Another one of my favorite's is Jimmy Webb, who wrote a lot of those great Glenn Campbell songs like "Galveston" and "Wichita Lineman." My favorite band of all time is probably Steely Dan, just based off of sheer musicianship, they were setting the bar. True singer songwriter's like myself that inspire me: James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Bruce Springsteen, Dan Fogelberg, of course Dylan but can't forget Joni Mitchell, Laura Nyro, that's my kind of music.

Me: You have been compared to James Taylor and Jackson Browne... which is not too shabby. Are you fans of those particular artists?

Jacob: You know it! I basically learned how to play guitar off of James Taylor songs. I was only like 6 months into guitar but I forced my teacher to teach me these complex James Taylor picking patterns and I think it served me well. I got pretty good pretty fast because I went after really tough material. 

Me: If you could record with anybody who would you chose?

Jacob: Damnnn, that's a tough one. In a perfect world it'd be someone like a Billy Joel, because he's such a good songwriter and also a phenomenal piano player, those are the types of people I'm really impressed by. I don't know exactly who the contemporary version of that is today but when I find him/her I'll let you know!

Me: I'm a big Billy Joel fan. You're coming out with a new EP called "Between the Lines." This is not your first release, right?

Jacob: Yes, indeed, it's actually a full album that I'll be releasing sometime around March. I have a 5 song EP that is currently on iTunes. 

Me: How would you compare this new EP to your previous one?

Jacob: I'll just say that even I can hear the maturity in my music compared to my previous tunes. Not much has changed in my general direction musically but I think there's a new level of seriousness to my writing, song choice, and the arranging of the music that went into my current record. I hope you all enjoy it when it comes out!

Me: Do you perform a lot of shows, Jacob?

Jacob: I get out from time to time but certainly one of my goals is to play out more this year. I've been very caught up in writing recently because what I want from myself hopefully in the near future is to get a publishing deal. To write songs as a true professional and have other artists perform them along with myself. That's what I want to be at my core, a songwriter.

Me: Do people recognize you from your acting roles?

Jacob: Once in a long while I get a "Hey you look familiar... do I know you from somewhere?" I was much younger in those movies but a pretty big generation of people just a couple years younger than me saw Sharkboy and Lava Girl at some point in their lives so I have a feeling I'll be in a few subconsciouses for a while.

Me: So, how many songs have you written?

Jacob: Not enough, and also more than I'll admit. I can't tell you how many times I've written a song, not liked it, and then dispensed of it. That happens way more than when I writing something and like it. It might seem crazy but when I write something I don't like, I won't even tell anyone I've written anything at all!

Me: Did you used to write music when you were a kid?

Jacob: No way. My pops made me take piano lessons as a kid and I hated it! I used to hide from the piano teacher when he came over but now I dare you to try and stop me from playing the piano when we go to a strangers house.

Me: Jacob, you are a very talented musician and songwriter... I say you made the right decision. I'm very impressed. Are you gonna be making music for awhile?

Jacob: Oh god, yeah, and thank you! The way I see it I have no choice but to do this, it's the only thing I'm good at! I hope to be bothering you guys with interviews like this for a very long time.

Me: Alright, my friend, mention your website and anything else you wanna and I hope this was fun and I hope you'll come back on the Phile again soon. Take care.

Jacob: Thanks, Jason, hope you enjoyed picking my brain for the past 3 hours that it took me to write this. My website is and thank you again for all the great questions, peace!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jacob for a great interview. The Phile will be back again on Saturday with piano legend Bob Hall. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

A Peverett Phile Valentine Pheaturing Jetty Rae

Cupid draw back your bow and let your arrow go straight to my lover's heart for me, for me... - Sam Cooke

Hello, everybody, welcome to A Peverett Phile Valentine. Happy Valentine's Day to all, even the "bad hombres" and "losers" out there! Guys, no woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentine's Day because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money. But of you remember her on Valentine's Day, she will remember you on Steak and a BJ day. And if you're alone today, that's Natural Selection. I realized nobody uses "HVD" for Valentine's Day... sounds too clinical I guess.
In the latest edition of Burger King, no!—Burger King (only in Israel) is offering an "adult toy" meal after 6 pm on Valentine's Day. You know how McDonald's does Happy Meals? And the kids get a toy? But it's not a sex toy because they're kids? This extra-happy meal is called an "Adults Meal," and they didn't have to be clever about the name because it comes with a sex toy. Technically, an "adults toy." Via Ad Week, "The meal comes with: 2 Whoppers, 2 packs of french fries, 2 beers. A romantic ADULT TOY inside (emphasis BK’s). Former episodes of Burger King, no! featured the black bun burger, the hot dog, and who could forget the Cheetos Chicken Fries. You have to be 18 plus to order their latest monstrosity. According to "USA Today," you can expect your "adults toy" to be a feather duster, head massager, or a blindfold. All hail the king. Why only Israel? I have a Burger King two minutes from my apartment. Ugh!
After one incredibly long year without a single nude image gracing the pages of "Playboy," the bare-all images have made their glorious return, "EW" reports. It feels like just yesterday I was picking up... oh wait, I have literally never picked up a copy of "Playboy" and had no idea they stopped publishing nude photographs because I long-ago wrote off the publication as a sexist rag that ashamed men read while taking a poop. Just kidding! Remember that Debbie Gibson issue? Anyway, with the March/April issue that hit racks on Monday they are apparently back, complete with a cover line that reminds us of our animal roots: "Naked is normal."

In 2015, the magazine stopped using nude photography as an attempt to shake the sexist connotations that had become less tolerable (thank god) in the current era, in which you can't throw an #ImWithHer mug without hitting a "The Future Is Female" t-shirt. But the truth is that the nude photographs weren't the issue, and that the systemic sexism deeply ingrained into the institution of "Playboy" is a problem a quick image swap can't fix. "I’ll be the first to admit that the way in which the magazine portrayed nudity was dated," said COO Cooper Hefner, son of the dynasty's founder Hugh, "but removing it entirely was a mistake." Why was nudity a mistake? According to "EW," when "Playboy's" website cut nudity in 2014 it led to a dramatic increase in traffic, which is why the print magazine followed suit; it seemed passé to keep peddling nudies in a world where the Internet exists. But Hefner disagrees. "Nudity was never the problem because nudity isn’t a problem," he said. Whoa, revolutionary. That's like some Garden of Eden before Eve took a bite out of the apple shit. He continued, "today we’re taking our identity back and reclaiming who we are." What an identity to reclaim! It's a big day for boobs and butts everywhere. God bless and good day. Oh, wait, I have more Phile to do. Haha.
Have you tried the hottest new dating app? It's called UberPool, and like Tinder, it uses your geographic location, but sets you up under the supervision of a certified driver. Behold its greatest success story. Hayley Mitchell called an UberPool to take her home after a bad date, and ended up meeting a hot new one. The 27-year-old got in a car in London last April when she met Charlie Algar, 28. "The Daily Mail" got the full treatment for the inevitable film adaptation. Mitchell meant to order a private Uber, but accidentally pressed UberPool, hitching a ride with destiny. When she saw on her phone that Charlie was arriving, she assumed it was the name of the driver. But when she got in the backseat, she said "Oh, you're Charlie," and the guy assumed that she knew him personally. She said, "He thought that I knew him. I went along with it and said, ‘I can’t believe you don’t remember me’ and he looked very pale all of a sudden. He went on for about 10 minutes listing all these places we might have known each other from." The two spent the 10-minute ride trying to "find out" where they knew each other from. When the car reached his home, she came clean that they didn't really know each other. But he wanted to get to know her, asking, "What are you doing this weekend?" before getting out of the car. Two days later, Mitchell got a text from "Charlie Uber," and the two have been a couple ever since. They couple moved in together in October 2016, now sharing the same Uber pick-up and drop-off destination. "We always joke we should send the Uber driver a bottle of Champagne!" Mitchell told "The Daily Mail." In the movie version, the couple absolutely gets the same driver on the way to the airport for their honeymoon.
Here's a nice story for Valentine's Day... A dad accidentally sent his daughter a Snapchat of his eggplant emoji if you get my drift. Robyn Millen, an 18-year-old in Brighton, England, was horrified to see a picture her dad meant to send privately to her mother .. after he accidentally added it to his Snapchat story. The mix-up happened since Snapchat allows users to send private pictures to individuals, which expire after a few seconds, but also allows pics to be sent to everyone on a user's friend list via the story feature. Those pictures are viewable for 24 hours. Apparently Mr. Millen was not aware of that distinction, and added a pic to his story instead of sending it directly to his wife. Millen, as her tweet so succinctly states, wanted to die of embarrassment. But her dad, true to dad form, couldn't care less. Mom also thinks it's hilarious. Let this be a lesson to all parents that want to hop on the latest social media trends: it's all fun and games until a picture of your shriveled member covered in emojis gets retweeted thousands of times. Congrats to the Millens for keeping things spicy in their marriage after all these years. surveyed over 5,500 singles to deliver their annual Singles in America Study, a comprehensive, scientific look at what it means to be looking for love these days. Here are the most important tidbits (hopefully you're not reading this on your phone on a date, because 58% of people hate that). Fifty-seven percent of millennials are lonely. Men are said to have fallen in love an average of 3.3 times, compared to women, who've only fallen in love 2.3 times. Thirty-eight percent of men agree that the number one turn-on is a female entrepreneur. Forty-two percent of participants say they judge people on their social media posts, while only 39% of people will judge you on your grammar. Fifty-eight percent of people are turned off by people who openly complain on Facebook.  iPhone users are 21 times more likely to judge Android users negatively. Eighty-six percent of women are more likely to negatively judge a man with a cracked phone screen. Millennials are 48% more likely than other generations to sleep with someone right away if they feel the connection. Fifty-three percent of millennial women have received dick pics, but oof, only 49% of them requested it. Forty-three percent of people said they have had success flirting at the laundromat. Talk to your Uber driver about your love life and you're 3 times more likely to hook up. Read the whole revealing study here.... But finish the Phile first.
Alright, it's Valentine's Day and Christian Mingle might have the right person for you. But I'm not sure about their ad...

Hmmmm. No comment. I have to show this...

This guy went to Steak n Shake with his wife every year for Valentine's Day since before he was married. This is his first year without a valentine. For a minute I thought that was me in the future. I love pie graphs, and I thought this one was appropriate when the survey was done.

So, I also love inspirational posters and I think we might know who put this one out.

Not all Muslims by the way. Hey, wanna stay at the Luxor in Vegas? They have a good deal going on for Valentine's Day.

Carrot Top tickets, people! So, there's a candy heart that's kinda fitting for present day...

Hahahaha. So, I don't know what Jiffy Lube is up to for today.

Hmmm. This should be today's Mindphuck but this ad for a trip in Europe is telling us something I think. This is 100% real...

Those crazy Brits. I should know, I am one of them. Haha. So, Trump is writing a new executive order to help out relationships today. Check it out...

I think I got it wrong. I need to check. You know, sometimes on Facebook Valentine's Day goes horribly wrong.

You're just hanging out with the wrong crowd, Sean. By which I mean the normal crowd. I don't know what you are doing for your loved one today but I bet it's not as romantic as this gesture from the man who put a love letter in the paper for his 61st anniversary.

Traditionally, the first anniversary is the paper one. He's just 60 years late. So, if you didn't get anything for your loved one for Valentine's Day yet there's still time, and I'm here to help you. How about this?

Need instant love? Blow one up! The inflatable heart is the most convenient, portable and unconditional form of love ever created. And here's a vintage Valentine's Card you can print out and give to someone...

A prescient Valentine for 2017. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Written On Modern Valentine's Day Cards
5. I am putin you first this Valentine's Day.
4. Tonight I'm taking you out to dinner and Mexico's paying for it.
3. I'm a lady in the sheets, and deplorable in the streets.
2. My feelings for you are not "alternative facts."
And the number one thing written on a modern Valentine's Day is...
1. I'd Ken Bone You.

Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, a friend of the Phile has something to say about Valentine's Day and relationships. He is a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good morning, humans. Happy V-Day. Okay... here's the way it works... Most bastards and bitches start out as nice, caring people who are considerate, honest and sincere. It's only after being fucked over repeatedly by users and abusers that they morph into callous bastards and nasty bitches who then in turn, screw OTHERS over. I said MOST... then there's the other ones who were just abusive pricks and insensitive cunts to BEGIN with. Valentine's Day (noun): 1. a holiday in mid February created by jewelers, chocolate manufacturers, card salesmen and florists for the sole purpose of increasing profits. 2. a way for cheating spouses with guilty consciences to atone for their sins by giving great oral sex. 3. the most depressing day for any fat kid in grade school.

Saint Valentine
Saint Valentine was a third century Roman saint whose violent beheading is commemorated on February 14th by giving someone a picture of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle saying "you have a pizza my heart!"

Alright, today's pheatured guest is a wonderful singer whose new CD "Can't Curse the Free" will be available on iTunes on February 17th. Please welcome to the Phile... Jetty Rae

Me: Jetty! Welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Jetty: I'm doing great... kids are in bed and I'm sipping on coffee. I can't complain!

Me: I love your name, Jetty, it's easy to remember and very unique. What's the origin of it?

Jetty: Thank you so much! It's definitely unique, it was my paternal grandmas name.

Me: Your parents were verity creative, right?

Jetty: Yes, my dad is a playwright, and my mom is a theatre director.

Me: Were they part of a theater group? They were actors, right?

Jetty: Yes, my parents own a theatre company Ragamuffin Theatre, and they both act, stage, direct and write most of the plays they produce. They actually met in a touring theatre company.

Me: Did you ever do any acting?

Jetty: I did, starting in middle school on through some of my college years. Before I began song writing I wanted to be a stage actor.

Me: Where are you from originally, Jetty?

Jetty: I was born in Oregon.

Me: You lived in Hawaii for awhile, right? How was that experience?

Jetty: I did! I moved to Hawaii when I was 18, and I lived there for two years. I loved everything about life on the island, especially the beaches. I did a lot of growing up there, and made some dear life-long friends. Hawaii will always be a second home to me. I've been back quite a few times, and every time I step off the plane and smell the floral salty air... it takes me back to those days.

Me: How did you end up there?

Jetty: I joined a performing arts missionary group with Youth With A Mission... we traveled all over the world, actually we performed a play that I helped write and musically arrange.

Me: That's where you started your musical career, am I right?

Jetty: It's definitely where some pieces of the puzzle started to fit in. I had always loved music, and singing, and writing... but I hadn't ever really committed to putting all three together. Since I was in the performing arts DTS (school) we had a lot of creatives, and one day I was singing and jamming out with some musicians... and my friend Tek heard me for the first time. He asked me after that if I would be interested in singing with this hip-hop/rap group he was forming. I became part of a very special collaboration, we built a studio, we spent hours writing together and we eventually toured the Hawaiian Islands and the west coast as well as China performing together. It was an electrifying experience, and it taught me a lot about collaboration, writing, and producing. I don't get to reminisce about that much anymore, but it was a very special time in my life.

Me: How long have you been singing and songwriting, Jetty?

Jetty: I've been singing for a very long time haha, and writing since my first diary at age 10. I have books and books of written words, poems, and lyrics.

Me: Did you want to be a singer all your life?

Jetty: I think that was a very early dream, just like most girls. But as I grew up I think I realized subconsciously that I probably wasn't capable or able to realize that dream. It got buried with comparison, fear, and also changing passions. The love of singing has always been there, but the skills and talent came with a lot of hard work. I still have to work very hard.

Me: Jetty, who were your influences throughout your life?

Jetty: The ones closest to me influenced me the most-- my mom for starters. Growing up she was always playing her piano, singing and writing. It took me a long time to realize that she was the one who built on the first foundations of this dream and passion to express myself. I would not be who I am today without her nurturing, and more importantly modeling herself what it looks like for some one to use their gifts to touch others.

Me: Okay, what's this I read that you live in an Airsteam... how long have you done that?

Jetty: Yes, we are known as what the RV people call full-timers, and also I suppose we are tiny housers too. We moved into a vintage '79 airstream Excella 500 in May 2016.

Me: I have a pic of you and the Airstream so people know what we are talking about...

Me: Does it travel or stay in one place?

Jetty: We mainly travel in it. Since moving into it we have traveled through Canada, all the way to the west coast California and back to Michigan. We've seen some pretty amazing places. It's always surreal waking up in a new place and realizing your home is now right outside the Grand Canyon, or a Walmart parking lot... haha.

Me: Where do you live now in the Airstream?

Jetty: Currently our airstream is parked in northern Michigan. We came home for Christmas and we've been here in northern Michigan to help care for my dad who is healing from cancer. Unfortunately its way too cold here right now to stay in it. I am pretty homesick... believe it or not, that 180-square-foot trailer is more home to us than anywhere else.

Me: Do you have a family, Jetty? If so, what did they think of you moving into it?

Jetty: I do. I am so blessed to have an amazing immediate family of two sisters and a brother, as well as tons of in-laws, and extended family. We are all very close. My family was very supportive of our choice to down-size and move into the Airstream. There were a lot of concerns about how we would manage with two young kids, but I think they all see now that we are learning and growing and enjoying the experience.

Me: They must enjoy your music, am I right, Jetty?

Jetty: They do! I joke that this new album was written just for my family to get through this tough time of my dads cancer journey.

Me: Do you sing to them?

Jetty: I sing to my kids all the time, they love my lullaby album.

Me: You have a pug, right? I love pugs! What is his name?

Jetty: I have a very particular pug named Otis, but we call him Otie. He lives with us and travels in the Airstream. One time he almost went over a water-fall while he was sniffing some flowers. I nearly had a heart-attack.

Me: Was is a joint idea between your husband and yourself to love into an Airstream?

Jetty: It definitely was! It had to be to make it work. I will take the credit though for it being my pipe-dream that I talked him into.

Me: Does it get cramped?

Jetty: Surprisingly, no.

Me: It would with all my shit I have. Okay, I think the first time I ever heard of you was when I saw the video for your song "Kerosene." That's a sad song, right?

Jetty: It is... although I think the predominant emotion for me in writing and singing it is anger.

Me: I remember you were throwing tiny furniture into a lake... what was the story behind that?

Jetty: I wrote the song a few months after my daughter Ella died... and throwing the furniture into the lake was like throwing my hopes and dreams for her life away. I really wrote the song because I was so frustrated with how many people could not understand my grief or pain. It felt like people expected me to get over her loss because she was never alive outside of my womb. The video depicts the grief and anger a parent feels over losing a child.

Me: Do you like making videos, Jetty?

Jetty: I love making videos, it's something I would love to do more of if I had the budget!

Me: Actually, I think the first time I heard you was when a song of yours was on a Microsoft commercial... I remember Shazaming it... "Climbing Clouds" I think it was. Do you like having your songs in a commercial?

Jetty: It's always surreal to see a completely different picture put to my song. I love seeing how people interpret the emotions of my songs. 

Me: Your songs were in quite a few commercials, right?

Jetty: Yes, I've had a few songs licensed for commercials. I've also just sang on some (Truvia), and my personal favorite is writing for commercials! I work with Blender Music Group and we do custom songs for clients. I recently wrote and sang a song for the SEC (south-eastern conference) that ended up on two national ads. 

Me: All your songs you write from your heart, right? With experiences?

Jetty: Definitely. I'm not the kind of song-writer who can pump out songs just for the sake of writing. I need to say something, and it has to be vital to my soul to say it. A lot of times nowadays its some one else's story.

Me: You have a new single out called "Can't Curse the Free." This is the title track to your new album, right?

Jetty: Yes it is! I am so excited for this song to be out in the world!

Me: So, who are the free and why can't you curse them?

Jetty: Hahah, I love this question. The free are the truth-loving, over-comers who have been set free from bondages of darkness, hopelessness, and iniquity. They are a redeemed people. A curse can't hold on some one who has been set free spiritually. A heavenly transaction has taken place, and the children of God can never be taken out of Gods hands again. For me it was a vital statement to make in my walk of faith as a follower of Jesus. I believe there is always a battle against dark and light, and the darkness wants you to stay in chains. He wants you to forget that you were ever set free. He wants you to go back to your captivity... and he does this through discouragement, shame and lies. These are all very real things in my life... I am not a perfect person, and I hear the regrets of my past just like anyone. But it's when I choose to believe that Gods grace is working backwards, and that even the bad things I've done will be worked out for good... that every curse is broken.

Me: Does songwriting come easy for you, Jetty?

Jetty: Sometimes it's like breathing, other times it's like pulling teeth. No two songs are the same.

Me: What comes first, the music or the lyrics?

Jetty: Sometimes the lyrics, mostly the melody.

Me: I love your version of "Puff the Magic Dragon" on the "La La Lu and the Lazy Moon" album. What made you decide to record that version?

Jetty: My grandpa used to sing that song to me and my cousins so it seemed natural to include it. He was a great folk-singer and guitar picker... he loved Peter Paul and Mary.

Me: It's my favorite version of that song by the way... you don't record a lot of covers, do you?

Jetty: Wow, thank you so much! What an honor. I don't do a lot, but I have in the past! There are quite a few covers on my YouTube channel... the front porch sessions everything from First Aid Kit to Cat Stevens.

Me: I have to ask you about the title of "La La Lu and the Lazy Moon." It sounds like a children's book. Where did it come from?

Jetty: My mom had a song she used to sing to my siblings and I called "La La Lu," so that part seemed natural. "Lazy Moon" was the first song I found for the album... combined it sounded like the perfect title for a children's lullaby record.

Me: Did you do the art work for that album, Jetty?  I have to show it here...

Jetty: I got so spoiled by Kevin White at Umami design. He is a dear friend and a truly talented and inspired artist.

Me: Do you like to draw and paint?

Jetty: Haha, I like to... but I'm no good.

Me: You love to cook though, right? What kinda stuff do you cook, Jetty?

Jetty: Wow, you have really done your homework. I love to eat first, that's probably why I love to cook! I love making my own pasta, risotto, vegetarian dishes and cookies!

Me: Is it easy to cook in the Airstream?

Jetty: Surprisingly yes! I have a pretty big butcher block counter space, a very nice range, and an Italian made oven. It all works together very nicely!

Me: Ever think about putting together a cook book?

Jetty: Hmm, I haven't... you are the first to suggest the idea! That would be pretty eclectic!

Me: So, what are your plans for this year? Are you going on tour?

Jetty: For the first time in my married life (8 years) I have no plans. Jason and I are huge planners, we love our plans... but it seems we have found ourselves in a place that is completely foreign... and a bit exciting. Anything truly could happen this year. I am sure we will be back on the road. I will also be working on a new project... possibly another lullaby album or another Pen Pals project!

Me: You have played some big festivals in the past, Jetty. What one was your favorite?

Jetty: I love Big Ticket Festival in Gaylord. I've played it for at least the last five years... I have a lot of fun talking to old friends and fans and making new ones.

Me: Do you like playing big shows or smaller shows more?

Jetty: Big shows are easier on the nerves, small shows are easier on the heart.

Me: I am so glad I got to interview you, and I hope this was a lot of fun. More importantly I hope you'll come back on the Phile again soon. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you want to say. All the best, continued success.

Jetty: Wow, thank you so much for having me! You have definitely done your home-work on me, and taken the time to ask truly thoughtful questions. I really appreciate it more than you know! People can find me at,,, and on Spotify!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Jetty Rae. The Phile will be back next Monday with singer Jacob Davich. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a good Valentine's Day.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker