Friday, May 26, 2017

Pheaturing Julio Duran From Polar Waves

Hello, welcome to the Phile for a Friday. So... I guess Manchester united has a whole different meaning now. In case you have been living under a rock this last week and don't know, twenty-two people were killed and 59 were injured in a suicide bombing at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England last Monday. As residents of the English city were left reeling in the wake of this unimaginable tragedy, the people of Manchester are coming together to help one another. And there was an outpouring of compassion and love on social media for the victims and for all of Manchester. Of course, there were others who began condemning Muslims in general, which is ignorant, hateful, and unhelpful. A woman who goes by @hannawwh on Twitter witnessed the terrorist attack, and tweeted, "I can't believe it, I'm heartbroken, I'm so sorry to all the families who have lost loved ones and to all those injured." Someone else, clearly Islamophobic, referenced her tweet, writing, "This is what happens when you let muslims in your country." The tweet has since been deleted. The woman's response to him has now gone viral, garnering almost 9,000 retweets and 20,000 likes. She wrote, "It was a Muslim who pulled up in his taxi and drove us home to safety. A very compassionate man who was also terrified yet helped others." Twitter is great for letting people share thoughts and ideas, but it's also such a perfect tool for spreading hate and ignorance. Fortunately, the hateful bigots usually seem to be outnumbered.
Over a weekend in May, the Internet blew up over a frightful video of a girl getting snatched by a sea lion and dragged into the water off a dock in Canada. Now, reports of a "hazardous infection" called "seal finger" are making the collective heart of the Internet skip another beat. As initial news that everyone walked away from the incident uninjured reached Twitter, most of the Internet felt comfortable making light-hearted jokes and memes out of the striking incident. "Harambe," "this is so me," and "United Airlines LOL" took over for the day. But not everyone was joking about it. According to the BBC, a staff member at the Vancouver Aquarium gave an interview regarding the sea lion attack, urging the family to get in touch so they could treat the little girl for a condition known as "seal finger." Apparently, seals and sea lions carry harmful bacteria in their mouths. It can cause an infection if the animal breaks the skin, which the BBC describes as a "painful and potentially serious condition" that causes cellulitis and joint inflammation. If untreated, according to ABC News, it can even lead to the "loss of fingers or limbs." This isn't so funny anymore, right? Fortunately for everyone who's now feeling bad about laughing at the incident, the family got in touch with the Vancouver Aquarium after hearing from their staff in interviews, and is now getting treatment, according to NBC News. BBC reports that the girl indeed suffered a four inch wound from the sea lion's bite. The little girl's father also spoke out in an interview with the CBC, praising her grandfather for jumping so quickly to the rescue. "We didn't expect the video to go viral," he added, saying the family is "quite disturbed by it." In the end though, the Vancouver family is just glad that their little girl is safe... and getting the necessary medical attention. "I could have gone organizing a funeral by now rather than doing interview."
Every year, the best and brightest students across the country distinguish themselves with crafty ways to sneak NSFW, violent, or otherwise uncouth quotes into the yearbook. Going viral today is one crafty senior, who used "The Office" to make her feelings about school unequivocally known.

Amber's quote was a timestamp, pointing to an episode of "The Office" called "Garage Sale." The school censors either had a great sense of humor or no one would let them borrow a Netflix password to find the quote. "Should have burned this place down when I had a chance." The full quote, in context, "No, I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Should have burned this place down when I had a chance." Not that the context is important at all, but it's a good show. And a better quote. Congrats to all you crafty grads.
An honors student at Hickory Ridge High School in Harrisburg, North Carolina won't be allowed to walk at her upcoming graduation, and all because of a shirt she wore to school last week. Yes, folks, we've got another crazy dress code story. (This one really seems like an overreaction, if you ask me.)
According to NBC Charlotte, the student, named Summer, wore a green off-the-shoulder top to school last Wednesday, that showed some of her shoulders and back. According to Summer, the school's principal came up to her while she was eating lunch and asked her if she had a jacket. Summer told the principal that she thought her shirt was "fine," but she borrowed a jacket from a friend anyway. Summer told NBC Charlotte that even after she put on and "zipped up" the jacket, the principal requested that she go to the school's control room and change her clothes entirely. The shirt in question...

Summer said that she and the principal have had their fair share of issues over the years, and recently, her mother requested that the school call her before any disciplinary action is taken against her daughter. So, when the principal asked Summer to go to the control room and change she said, "I apologize, I can't go anywhere with you unless my mom is called." After neither Summer or the principal could get her mom on the phone, the situation really got out of hand. Summer says the period ended, so she went off to a school assembly. The principal came in and ordered everyone but her to leave. And she had a school security guard with her. Summer told NBC Charlotte that the principal said to her, "I'm gonna give you an ultimatum. We have tried to call your mother. You either come with me to the control room to change your shirt or we will arrest you." Arrest her?! Over a shirt?! Summer says the security guard was about to handcuff her when her mom called back. She ended up going to the control room with school administrators, where she was informed that she was being suspended from school for 10 days and barred from all senior activities, including graduation. Seems a little harsh for a top that showed her shoulders, no? "It's just sad because I worked so hard for four years to walk across that stage," Summer told NBC Charlotte. "We have drug dealers walking across that stage, we have sex offenders walking across that stage and then the 4.4 student who showed her shoulders can't." Summer has also received a full scholarship to a major university, and now worries that may be in jeopardy. Let's hope Summer and her school can get this all sorted out soon.
On Wednesday, Donald Trump met with Pope Francis... while Sean Spicer fumed that he didn't get an invitation, according to CNN. "Spicer assumed he would be on the list," according to an unnamed "administration official," who said the Catholic Spicer has a "bucket list" of things he wants to do as press secretary. On that list? Meeting the Pope. Not on that list? Being mocked mercilessly for wearing the wrong tie. Guess which one he's checked off so far? At the papal meeting—attended by Melania, Ivanka, Jared Kushner, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and national security adviser H.R. McMaster—water turned to memes as the world laughed and laughed at some tremendously awkward photo ops.But imagine how much more hilarious Spicer would have made it.

Picture Spicer on the right... bumbling about the Young Pope. Said a White House source to CNN,  "Wow. That's all he wanted." The fact that Spicer didn't get to see the Pope should "very much" reflect on the president's view of him. This might be the only time that liberals/anyone has ever felt bad for Sean Spicer. Maybe next time, Spicy.
It's very odd that the White House released an inspirational poster with that pic by the way.

Not many people are talking about the other people that joined the group photo after that one was taken.

Fantastic. When I saw this by the way...

It reminded me of something. And then it hit me...

Actually, no it didn't. Hahahaha. Hey, did you see Trump grabbed another pussy?

It is not all bad news for Trump on his European tour... someone has a crush on him I think.

I wish someone would look at me like she is looking at him. Okay, enough about Trump... for a few minutes. Did you guys see Disney's movie Moana? I haven't, but I did find this interesting... the character Maui that the Rock plays was supposed to look like this originally...

Hahaha. I thought it was funny. So, you kids like Starbucks? If I was the CEO of Starbucks I would change the look of the siren on the logo to this...

You know what I think is cool... when geeks protest. Check it out...

Resistance may be futile when you're going up against the Borg, but against Trump, it can be very, very powerful. Most of you know that I pretty much just wear shorts and t-shirts every day but if tis was the 70s I would be wearing this...

This is also a reminder that people used to think badminton was cool enough that it should be part of an underwear ad. Alright, so, I don't know if you know but in a few weeks I will be posting two Phile entries from an Amtrak train. I am gonna ride the train down to Hollywood, Florida and I thought it'll be fun to post from there... don't ask me why. Anyway, I don't know what the trip would be like but I hope it's not like this Tren a las Nubes, which means Train to the Clouds in Argentina.

The Tren a las Nubes is a touristic train service in Salta Province, Argentina. The service runs along the eastern part of the C-14 line of the Ferrocarril General Manuel Belgrano, connecting the Argentine Northwest with the Chilean border in the Andes mountain range. At over 4,220 meters (13,850 ft) above mean sea level, it's the third highest railway in the world. Originally built for economic and social reasons, it is now primarily a tourist attraction as a heritage railway. The railway line has 29 bridges, 21 tunnels, 13 viaducts, 2 spirals, and 2 zigzags. Because of the design decision not to use a rack-and-pinion system for traction, the route had to be designed to avoid steep grades. The zigzags allow the train to climb, traveling back and forth parallel to the slope of the mountain. No fucking way. Alright, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Overheard At Trump's Meeting With Pope Francis
5. I can bring my attorney into the confessional, right?
4. I'm telling you... Trump-branded communion wafers would be the greatest thing to hit Catholicism in 2,000 years!
3. So after I got Miss Universe alone, I... but why am I telling you? You know how it is, you're famous, they don't stop you...
2. Love the Sistine Chapel... it's like a smaller version of my New York apartment!
And the number one thing overheard at Trump's meeting with Pope Francis was...
1. I'm glad you replaced that Pope Benedict... he was crazy, a real nut job, am I right?

Hahahahaha. That is so funny. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, being funny is not the easiest thing to do. There's this comedian who is trying to be funny but doesn't always hit the mark. I honestly don't think he knows what a joke is. Anyway, I have invited him a few times on the Phile to help him hone his skills and thought I should be nice and invite him back again and give him another chance. So, please welcome back to the Phile...

Me: Hey, Ollie, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?

Ollie: I'm pretty good, Jason.

Me: Okay, so, tell us your jokes and I hope you are funny.

Ollie: What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

Me: Biggest lie in the entire universe? I have so many answers I can say. What is it?

Ollie: I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

Me: Huh? I kinda get it. Not that funny, Ollie. Try again.

Ollie: What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Me: Hmmm. I don't know. What?

Ollie: Cancer.

Me: Fuck, Ollie. That is really bad. You can tell one more joke, and that is it.

Ollie: Why was six afraid of seven?

Me: Ha! I know this one... Barenaked Ladies wrote a song about it. Because seven ate nine.

Ollie: No. It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

Me: Ugh! Ollie, get outta here! Ollie Tabooger, the guy who doesn't know how to tell a joke, everyone. And now for some sad news...

Roger Moore 
October 14th, 1927 — May 23rd, 2017
Moore is less.

Adult man Head of State President Donald Trump is at the NATO Leader's summit, as the North Atlantic Treaty Organization is one of the most crucial military alliances of the post-war order. Trump is having so much fun with his new friends he feels comfortable enough to shove one out of the way so he can be the star of the photo opp.

It's even more damning in a screen shot. Look at his jaw clench and his self-satisfied grin once he achieved his goal. It's not just anyone he shoved, it's Duško Marković, the Prime Minster of Montenegro, the newest NATO member. Look at the shove-ee's face as the tiny hand approacheth... we wouldn't be surprised if Trump slapped him on the ass on his way through.

This is the kindergartener who never learned to share and will be the line leader after recess at all costs.Alec Baldwin really does an impeccable impression of him... in The Boss Baby.

The 60th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's guest is the lead singer for the band Polar Waves whose new CD "No One Needs Help Anymore" pheaturing the hit single "Stoner" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Julio Duran.

Me: Hey, Julio, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Julio: Doing good! Thanks for having me.

Me: So, anybody ever call you Julio Duran Duran?

Julio: You bet. By the way, “Duran, as in the band” is what I tell bartenders when I’m closing my tab. Works every time.

Me: Haha. Anyway, I have to say I love your band and the album "No One Needs Help Anymore." You must be proud of it, right?

Julio: Thank you! Absolutely, extremely pleased that we had the chance to make a great record.

Me: Julio, you're from Chile, right? What part?

Julio: Yes! Chilean AF. Born and raised in The Big Grape, Santiago, Chile. I think I just coined that term.

Me: Where do you live now?

Julio: I’m lucky to say I live in gorgeous Athens, Georgia.

Me: So, how did you get from Chile to Georgia?

Julio: I moved to L.A. about 10 years ago and did a little studying at UCLA (Go Bruins). Then, moved to mighty South Jersey and lived between there and Philadelphia for a few years. Then, packed up and made northern California my home for the next 4 years. It was unbelievably inspiring, but I was bleeding money and made the move to Athens to make a record called "No One Needs Help Anymore."

Me: Why Georgia of all places?

Julio: I’ve always been curious about the south and its culture, food and arts. I love the people here. 

Me: Are you a Falcons fan, Julio?

Julio: Nope. I’m a 49ers guy. Jim Harbaugh is one of my biggest sports idols. I did root for the dirty birds in the Superbowl though. It was, as you may know, heartbreaking.

Me: Oh, I know. Trust me. How long have you been here in the states?

Julio: It’ll be 10 years in September.

Me: Do you get to back to Chile often?

Julio: I try to take to make it out there once a year, but I was fortunate enough to spend 6 weeks back in Dec/Jan. Visiting Chile is one of my favorite things in life.

Me: So, what made you decide to move, Julio?

Julio: Why do we move, as people, though? Curiosity. Opportunity. Love.

Me: So, how old were you when you started to play guitar?

Julio: In 4th grade. Still remember as if it was yesterday.

Me: What were your influences, Julio? I am guessing you listened to a lot of classic rock. Any Foghat?

Julio: "Slow Ride," man. My childhood was basically me listening to all the rock available from 1967 to 1972. Beach Boys, Doors, Hendrix, CCR, Zeppelin, Pink Floyd. Also a lot of jazz, 80s metal and Nirvana. Kravitz. Too many to name. But there’s also a lot of contemporary rock bands I look up to.

Me: Did you want to be a singer or a musician for a long time?

Julio: Yes, I always had so much fun playing the guitar in my room at my parents’ house. Then, jamming with friends, going to shows, writing songs. It’s my thing. Tried the whole office job thing, but never truly felt right.

Me: Alright, I have to ask, where did the band name Polar Waves come from?

Julio: Me and my buddies were having a bunch of drinks one cold Santiago night, maybe a few years ago. I think there was a polar vortex underway. As the night went by, we opened the windows to smoke cigarettes and started playing a few of my old tunes and jamming a little bit. I called that music night the Polar Wave Sessions, which later morphed into Polar Waves.

Me: Did you have any other name picked out?

Julio: Not really, Polar Waves sounded like a natural fit.

Me: Who else is in the band, Julio?

Julio: We’re going through a few lineup changes right now. We want to make sure we hit the road with the best personnel possible. More to come.

Me: I love the single "Stoner" from the album. So, are you a stoner? You don't have to answer that. Haha.

Julio: Glad you like it! You bet. I’m a proud 21st Century stoner. The song talks about self-discovery and finding your place in today’s world. I think that’s pretty stony, right?

Me: Yeah, I guess. Like I said I love the album "No One Needs Help Anymore." That's not true... I need help. where did that title come from?

Julio: Ha! Well, I’ve always felt that some of the solutions we have developed to face certain problems or limitations are kind of backfiring a bit. For example, I’m glad I can stay in touch with friends and family through my phone. Or send a quick joke to my buddy in Santa Monica. But people are getting way too comfortable with this amazing technological advancement... people are getting out of touch with their true feelings. Technology has empowered us, making us more independent, but vulnerable.

Me: You have a song on the album called "Philadelphia Downtown Club." What was the inspiration about that song?

Julio: Philadelphia is a town I hold in my heart. I lived off Rittenhouse Square in a gorgeous brownstone. My cousin was getting married one freezing February night at the Philadelphia Down Town Club, and at the time, I was going through a sticky patch. But even though I had a lot of bad stuff happening to me, that night was one of the best nights of my life. That song honors the feelings of celebration, optimism and burying the hatchet. I think making peace is one of the most underrated and overlooked actions, ever.

Me: And there's a song called "Adventureland." Is that song about the land at Disney World? Ever been to Disney?

Julio: I love Disney! But "Adventureland" is just another word for our planet.

Me: Did you write all the songs on the album?

Julio: I wrote all the lyrics and most of the music, but my buddy Ben (who plays bass and lead guitars on the record) and I collaborate on a few tunes of his.

Me: Does songwriting come easy for you?

Julio: I probably have 2 to 3 song ideas pop in my mind every day. It could go from a chord progression, to a vocal line, from a verse to a song concept. Unfinished, raw material. I try to write them down so I can work on them later, when I feel ready to have a sit down. Most of them turn to smoke, but the ones that stick are the ones I try my hardest to turn into full-blown songs.

Me: Where did you meet the other guys in the band?

Julio: I was so lucky to have Ben fly in from Chile to lay down the bass and lead guitar tracks. We’ve known each other since high school. Then, I was lucky to find Andrew (drummer) through a UGA pal. These guys are talented musicians, and good people.

Me: They are not from Georgia?

Julio: Ben’s born and raised in Chile. Andrew is a Missouri transplant. Midwestern kid.

Me: What does your family think of your music?

Julio: I can feel how everyone is proud to support good sounding music that comes from the heart. Everyone is a Polar Waves fan.

Me: Do you guys play a lot of shows?

Julio: So far, we’ve had one show, and it was at the legendary 40 Watt in Athens. Had a blast! We look forward to hitting the road this year, and playing as many shows as humanly possible.

Me: Do you think you'll be playing in Florida?

Julio: I was literally in Panama City Beach these last month, pre-Spring Breaking. I’d love to have the band play in Florida. Fort Lauderdale, St Petes/Tampa, Orlando, love the scene down there.

Me: What kinda guitar do you play?

Julio: I own a ’96 Fender Jagstang, a ’98 Gibson Flyin’ V, my childhood Yamaha Strat and a couple acoustics.

Me: I have to mention the album was produced by John Keane who has produced REM and Widespread Panic. How did you get so lucky in getting him, Julio?

Julio: We were indeed very lucky and fortunate to have John agree to work with us. Credit to us, we did try hard to convince him of our project. The night before our arranged meeting, we recorded an acoustic set at my house. We wanted to make sure he understood our vision and our goals. And from our very first meeting, there was good chemistry between him and us. He’s extremely dedicated, a true perfectionist without being neurotic, and we had the energy, discipline and drive to make a great sounding record.

Me: Did he have any good stories?

Julio: I’m positive that he has the craziest stories of him with Stipe, Buck, Mills and Berry, but we never really wanted to open that door. Everyone was very professional and focused on making the best record possible. One night, though, he had to cut the session short because he was gonna play with Widespread Panic at the Classic Center in a few hours. No big deal.

Me: That's cool. Okay, I have to tell you that one of my favorite things about having this blog is meeting bands and hearing new music; your album and band are one of my favorites. Will you come back on the Phile again soon?

Julio: Heck yes! Thanks for the shout out!

Me: Go ahead and mention your website and anything you want to and I wish you continued success. All the best. I hope this was fun.

Julio: It’s been fun! The record dropped on 3/3. You can find it on Amazon, iTunes and Spotify. You can also order a physical copy through the website ( Happy shopping!

Me: Great job, Julio.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Julio for a great interview. I love that album. The Phile will be back on Monday with Marc Morello from Exist Among. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Pheaturing Joseph Eid

Hello, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you? I hope you're feeling better than I am. The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it. Ha. Okay, let's start off with politics, shall we?
So many crazy things have happened in American politics over the last few months that almost nothing can surprise us anymore. Well, nothing except this. Juan Williams, a co-host on the Fox News show, "The Five," has authored an op-ed demanding that Republicans apologize to Fox News' least favorite person, Hillary Clinton. No, this isn't a prank. A Fox News anchor actually wants Republicans to say they're sorry to Hillary Clinton. "When will Republicans drop the partisan games and apologize to Hillary Clinton?" Williams wrote in his piece, published by The Hill. Granted, Williams is one of Fox News' more left-leaning correspondents, so that may be why he's on Hill's side here.Williams noted how Republicans mocked Clinton for saying, "If the election had been on October 27th, I would be your president," at a forum in New York City earlier this month. (She was referring to former FBI director James Comey re-opening the investigation into her emails during the final days of the 2016 presidential race, which certainly didn't help her campaign.) Williams wrote that after Clinton made those comments, Republicans that insisted that she should just accept defeat and take responsibility for a poor campaign, Clinton (sort of) got some support from President Trump last week when he fired Comey with the reasoning that he violated policy when he cleared Clinton of a crime and then condemned her as a "careless" public official on TV. Of course, Comey's firing conveniently came at a time when he was investigating the president's ties to Russia. Now that Trump's firing of Comey has spiraled into a full-on scandal, Williams argued in his op-ed that Republicans need to distance themselves from the "fire" in the White House. If they don't, they risk being fired by voters in the 2018 mid-term elections. The first thing Williams thinks they need to do? Apologize to Hillary Clinton.
A Thursday report from "The New York Times" details all the ways that the former FBI director, James Comey, tried to maintain a professional distance from Donald Trump. One strategy was camouflage. Comey was later fired by Trump, and reports that Trump may have pressured him to drop an investigation into former national security advisor Michael Flynn preceded the appointment of a special prosecutor into the Trump-Russia case. But before he was canned, Comey's worst nightmare was appearing too "friendly" with the president. According to a friend of Comey's, Benjamin Wittes, one of his tactics to avoid the president's affection included actually hiding himself in the curtains at the White House. Here's an anecdote from a "ceremony to honor law enforcement" hosted by Mr. Trump, that Mr. Comey reluctantly attended. Via "The New York Times," "The ceremony occurred in the Blue Room of the White House, where many senior law enforcement officials... including the Secret Service director... had gathered. Mr. Comey... who is 6 feet 8 inches tall and was wearing a dark blue suit that day... told Mr. Wittes that he tried to blend in with the blue curtains in the back of the room, in the hopes that Mr. Trump would not spot him and call him out." It didn't work. Although Comey avoided hugging Trump, according to HuffPo, the president "appeared to blow him a kiss." James Comey: master of disguise.
Are you in the market for a house that is almost certainly going to kill you? Then you're in luck, because check out this house for sale in South Carolina.

According to UPI, the house is located in Cayce, near Columbia. Remax provides some details: it's a single family dwelling built in 1950, with four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a mysterious upstairs tenant who will definitely kill you in your sleep. The inside of the house itself is fairly creepy, mostly just because it's in a serious state of disrepair (almost like… someone left in a big hurry…) but it's the description on Remax that really sells the whole "possible murder house" vibe. It reads in part, "Please read carefully before scheduling showings. May not qualify for financing. Great 'diamond in the rough' investment property or primary home needing separate apartments. Little is known about condition except that property has active roof leaks. Property is being sold 'as-is' with no repairs, no clean-up, and no warranties expressed or implied. Upstairs apartment cannot be shown under any circumstances. Buyer assumes responsibility for the month-to-month tenancy in the upstairs apartment. Occupant has never paid, and no security deposit is being held, but there is a lease in place. (Yes, it does not make sense, please don't bother asking.)" Sounds great! Because who doesn't want their new house to come with someone (or something) unknown lurking above them at all times (and freeloading, to boot). The description was originally posted on Zillow, but After the frenzy of attention, Zillow pulled down their listing, but it's still up on Remax. UPI also pointed out another listing for the house on Hotpads, now expired, that included one detail about the mysterious occupant. "Upstairs apartment is occupied by professional artist." Uh-huh. Sure. That's exactly the kind of thing a malevolent demon would say about his profession (you can't trust these artist demons). Another special feature of the house is a random hole in the ceiling (possibly where the ghosts broke through). And then there's the portal to hell located conveniently in the backyard, right next to an enormous paper clip or possibly a brass instrument. Or maybe just some pipes. You'll probably be dead before you figure it out.

Fun "easy to fall into" well for any children you might have! Whoever buys this house, enjoy your future deathtrap home here. Best of luck!
A Minnesota yearbook quote about Donald Trump is making headlines and causing controversy online. It's not hard to see why. "I would like to behead him," wrote a sophomore student in response to the "How do you feel about [Trump]" prompt. "I do not like him." According to the local CBS affiliate, Brainerd Public Schools released a statement regarding the quote in their high school yearbook, saying they were "unaware of the students' statements," they "do not support" or endorse them, and "the administration is currently investigating how this occurred." Meanwhile, Scott Baio... who you might remember as one of Trump's few celebrity endorsers... shared the photo on Twitter and ignited the fury of his followers. "This is in a high school yearbook," wrote the indignant Joanie Loves Chachi actor. He then tagged Donald Trump, the FBI, Sean Hannity, and Kellyanne Conway. It'd be surprised to see if this story will lead Sean Hannity's next show on Fox. In fact, some of Baio's Twitter supporters are so angry they're calling for the student to receive a visit from the secret service.
Oh, Chachi, shut up.
If you live in or near Leeds, England, please contact authorities immediately if you have seen this man...

A group of men, including a man wearing a giant penis costume, are wanted for the "serious assault" of a 26-year-old man that occurred in Leeds center on April 3rd, according to an appeal to the public released by the West Yorkshire Police. The victim reportedly suffered a shattered shin bone, torn ligaments and a dislocated knee after he was attacked by a group of men having a bachelor party, said police. Local Detective Constable Gaynor Burt said the victim was "very badly injured" and "will still require further surgery." This is actually not a very funny story. Other than the giant penis costume. That part is hilarious. Police described one of the assailant's outfits as "distinctive fancy dress outfit" and included the photo above to help people locate the suspect. It certainly is distinctive. The police report says, "We have been making extensive enquiries to identify those involved and would like to hear from anyone who witnessed the incident or who has any information that could assist in tracing the group involved, who were possibly a stag party or similar. The costume worn by one of the group is very distinctive and we think anyone who encountered them during the evening would recall it." Let's hope they find this giant penis and the other penises who committed this awful crime. Sorry to be crass, but what a bunch of dicks.
I just told you about how Comey allegedly hid in the curtains to avoid Donald Trump. Well, here's an exclusive pic to show this really might've happened...

Haha. Trump does not even see him I don't think. So, there's a new Trump book coming out. I should pheature this in the Phile's Book Club...

That's so stupid. That's not even a real book. You wanna know what else is stupid? This...

So, Disney is making a sequel to Mary Poppins and I got my hand on the new poster for it. Check it out...

I can't wait to see it. I saw this pic the other day...

And I thought to myself, it reminded me of something. And then it hit me...

See? Hahahaha. Most of you know I pretty much just wear shorts and t-shirts, but if this was the 70s I might be wearing this...

Tragically, the man in the middle died when someone thought he was a giant container of mustard and tried to squirt him on a hot dog. You know what I think is cool? When geeks protest like this person...

You sure don't want to mess with this girl, she will wreck your world without lifting a finger. Alright, so, in June I'll be taking the Amtrak train and I thought it'll be fun if I could post an entry when I am on it. I'm just hoping the train will have wi-fi. Ha! Anyway, I'll be going down south just to Hollywood, Florida, but it made me think of other railways that I hope I hope I don't go through anything similar. Like this the Napier-Gisborne Railway in New Zealand.

The Napier to Gisborne Railway Line is unique in that it crosses the main runway of the Gisborne Airport. Trains have to stop and seek clearance from the air traffic control tower to cross the runway and continue down the line; a 1939 steam train in the middle of an airport runway isn't exactly a common sight! Crazy, right? Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive People Who Went To See Alien: Covenant
5. People who could care less about aliens, but can't resist a good covenant.
4. Moviegoers who naturally assume the eighth movie in a series is the best.
3. Lovers of space-nun movies, who mistakenly think it's called Alien: Convent.
2. People excited that James Franco makes a cameo... and dies early on in a truly horrible fashion.
And the the number person who went to see Alien: Covenant are...
1. Donald Trump, who can easily identify with trying to survive a visit to strange, hostile lands.

Haha. Not the best Mindphuck I know, but I had to share. That was from the Cubs game a few days ago. Anyway, if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, as you probably know by now I live in Florida. Well, there's stuff that happens in Florida that happens no where else in the Universe. That's why there's a pheature called...

Florida Man Cesar Sanchez called the cops in Naples, Florida, asking the operator to send him back to Guatemala. That's one way to get a free flight. The Associated Press reports that in the audio recording of the 911 call, Sanchez says he isn't well, but adds, "It's not an emergency. All I want is to be deported." Sanchez was charged with misusing an emergency call number, which is a misdemeanor. He's still in custody at the county jail and set to be arraigned on May 31th. The arrest report rights that Sanchez should be held for Immigration and Customs Enforcement, implying that he'll get his wish. Dreams really do come true?

Back in 2012, Donald Trump thought the U.S. president shouldn't bow to the leaders of Saudi Arabia.
He also said, as recently as the 2016 campaign, that the Middle East country wants to enslave women and kill gay people. Given his apparent disgust for the Saudis, who could have guessed that Trump would start off his first big foreign trip as president by bowing to its king? Wait, I'm sorry... I meant to say he curtsied. Yeah, guess all Trump's principles fly out the window as soon as you flash a little gold at him. But we knew that. Wait... Trump gets a medal and Chewbacca didn't?! But seriously, that curtsy is something else. Even his own long-serving advisor (and Babadook) was pissed.

But the best part? All the conservative websites reporting that unlike Obama, Trump did not bow. Yeah, because he curtsied. Anyway, congrats to Trump on his shiny new participation medal. Keep up the good work, buddy.

I know what Melania is thinking... "Brilliant. That's gonna go over well."

Roger Ailes 
May 15th, 1940 — May 18th, 2017
If you're looking for someone to blame for the dumbing down of America, you should start here. And end here.

Chris Cornell
July 20th, 1964 — May 18th, 2017
Cobain... CHECK! Staley... CHECK! Weiland... CHECK! Cornell... CHECK! All we need is Vedder and we'll have a complete set!

This is pretty cool... at least for me it is.The 60th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author and Phile Alum Wesley Stace will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's guest is a very talented musician from Long Island whose new EP "Watch It Fall" comes out May 26th and will be available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Joseph Eid.

Me: Hey, Joseph, welcome to the Phile, man. How are you?

Joseph: Hello! I’m doing pretty well thank you for asking.

Me: You're from Long Island, am I right? What part?

Joseph: I went to college in Long Island at the State University of New York at Stony Brook but I grew up in Westchester County, which is 30 miles north of Manhattan.

Me: Stony Brook?! Go Seawolves! Are you a Seawolves fan? Do you follow that team?

Joseph: I'm not gonna lie I don't follow the Seawolves. I don't follow sports. But I love the name. Anita unique. A mythical creature. LOL.

Me: I grew up in Port Jeff... so I take it you visited there, right?

Joseph: Port Jeff was my favorite. We used to go out there. I lived in Port Jeff for a summer too. It was awesome. Great summer town.

Me: Ever shop at the Smithaven Mall? Haha.

Joseph: Yes. You're really taking me back now! We would go there sometimes on the weekends in the winter time.

Me: Are you still living in New York now?

Joseph: No, I moved to Los Angeles a little over 10 years ago.

Me: So, did you move to Los Angeles for your music career?

Joseph: I moved to Los Angeles because I needed a change. I had never lived outside of New York as an adult and life in Manhattan was starting to become a little bit too much for me. Not enough space, physically and mentally.

Me: You went to school to study psychology and pre-med? Were you thinking of going into the medical field?

Joseph: I was. I went to a university that was very strong in the health sciences so while my focus was psychology, I decided I might as well do pre-med in case I want to be a doctor or psychiatrist. I thought it would also make my dad very proud.

Me: Where else did you go to high school school?

Joseph: Edgemont High School (graduated), Stony Brook University (graduated), St. George’s School of Medicine (for 6 months then dropped out).

Me: How far along were you when you changed your mind and set your goals to become a musician?

Joseph: It was the first week of my 2nd semester. So I had one semester under my belt and was at the start of the 2nd.

Me: Your parents were kinda strict, did I read that right? What did they think when you made this decision?

Joseph: Well, it was mostly my dad. My mom really just wanted me to be happy. She was disappointed but for her, my happiness came first. My dad was a tough one... he didn’t get it. He thought I had lost my mind and that I was making a huge mistake. He is traditional and felt the arts should be hobbies and that’s all... that they were no career. At least not for his kids.

Me: What do they think now, Joseph?

Joseph: My mom is so extremely proud of me. Sadly, I don’t think my dad really gets it... he doesn’t understand that it’s my calling and that I have no other choice. I’ve had to let go and just accept that he may never understand it because it is very far from what his experience is.

Me: So, I love your music... how long have you been songwriting? You started off writing poetry before you were a songwriter, right?

Joseph: I’ve been writing songs officially for about 15 years... but before that I always wrote and wrote... whether it was poetry, essays, philosophies about life, etc. My first poem I wrote when I was 6-years-old.

Me: Alright, can you share a poem here?

Joseph: This is something I found in an old book I was doodling in about 12 years ago (by the way I keep all my journals... I have about 30 to 40...).  Let me touch down so I can be free. Let me touch down, let me touch a tree. Let life be a lesson and let me conceive a dream of a day I believe. And live in a way that I can respect and hold on to love and grow and effect. Let errors be marks that show where I’ve been and the pain that they spew become part of my skin. And feel it get thicker as life gets bigger and harder but better, the world's getting wet, the rain’s coming down. The land that I stand on has turned into sea, I swim with my faith in my destiny, and I know this love will deliver me.

Me: That's pretty good, and deep. Do you find it really different with poetry writing and song writing?

Joseph: I don’t really write poetry anymore... every since I started playing guitar, my songs are my poetry. Now, I just think of the songs as poems set to music. But yes, it’s a very different thing to write a poem than to write a song for me. With songs, I connect with the music, a feeling, a concept that reveals itself. With poetry, it was more of an intellectual process for me.

Me: Who are your musical influences, Joseph? Have you ever listened to Graham Parker?

Joseph: I haven’t listened to Graham Parker... should I?

Me: Duh. Haha.

Joseph: Sounds like it. My musically taste is very diverse. I love songwriters... stories that move me, teach me, lyrics and melodies I can sink into and play over and over and over again. I like depth. Artists who have influenced me are Bob Dylan, Jackson Browne, Suzanne Vega, Ray LaMontagne, Indigo Girls, Billy Joel, Elton John, Madonna, Prince, George Michael, Stevie Wonder, and many more. Folk plus pop equals me.

Me: How old were you when you started to play guitar? Did you teach yourself?

Joseph: I took a couple of intro classes, but basically just taught myself. I was in my early to mid 20s... I started playing later in life.

Me: Since your first EP you released a few years ago, how has your music changed?

Joseph: I can honestly say that the writing was strong then and I am proud of that first batch of songs and would still play them. What’s changed is my skill... as a singer, guitarist, and performer. The evolution has been exciting. I found my sound and am confident in my style. And the bands and players who join me on the recordings are stellar. So they help raise a good song to be it’s best. I also have become very honest and not afraid to say what I feel and share whatever it is I am going through. I used to hold back early on.

Me: I love the single "Watch It Fall" from your new EP with the same name... I have to ask... watch what fall?

Joseph: Everything... but mostly my dream. I wrote it at a time when I was feeling down. Questioning if I was ever going to be able to fully make a living as an artist and the jobs I was doing to sustain my dream were just so hard and I wasn’t happy. It was a dark time so I use the building and the neighbors in it as metaphors for everything being hopeless, falling apart, and sinking low. I’m much better now. I’ve learned you will always have those times, now I’m just smart enough to know they won’t last and anyway, this is who I am, there is no turning back.

Me: The characters in this song... are they based on real people?

Joseph: Do I have to answer that? I think it’s best if I don’t. Maybe.

Me: Does songwriting come easy for you, Joseph?

Joseph: It does. It’s the one thing I just know. It’s in my cells. Don’t get me wrong, it may take months sometimes to get a song exactly where I want it to be. But I can also write some songs in 20 minutes or less. It’s something that comes naturally to me, but then the process of tweaking, editing, re-writing, etc.. That takes time.

Me: You played all over Los Angeles... and played at a place I heard of called El Cid. I couldn't help to think that El Cid sounds like Eid... or looks like it. Am I weird?

Joseph: Haahaaa, I never noticed that. You are right! It looks a lot like my name. and yes you are weird. But aren’t we all?

Me: I think so. Haha. I would have joked about that if I were you... Eid is an unusual last name... I am almost 49-years-old and I have never heard that name before. What is its origin? You can say the same about Peverett... my last name. Its origin is French I am afraid. UGH!

Joseph: There are two origins for the name Eid. Mine is Lebanese. It means “Celebration." It precedes every holiday and every celebration in the Arabic language. Eid of this and Eid of that...   There is also a German origin of the name and I have come across a couple of people of German descent with the name Eid. I’m not sure what it means in German.

Me: I have to ask you about the singles artwork for "Watch it Fall." Who did that art? I have to show it here...

Me: I like it.

Joseph: Paul McCarty…he does a lot of my CD design stuff too. I told him exactly what I wanted and gave him examples and he made it happen in 2 days. He does GREAT work!

Me: Is that based on your real place you live?

Joseph: It is. And the cat is based on my cat Mango.

Me: When you got to L.A. or was it New York City you worked with David Lemar... I am not aware of him. Who is he and how did you end up working with him?

Joseph: It was in Los Angeles. I met him at a blues jam that he hosted. It was my first year here. I was so nervous to get up and play cause he was amazing... and he said, “get up here, show us what you got...” I shyly went on stage and was like “Hi, I’m a singer songwriter, here is an original...” He accompanied me immediately, so tastefully, I was amazed. He didn’t even know what key the song was in. After that, he told me I was allowed to come back and play again next week, dropped his card and said, “If you want to go to the next level, give me a call.” And that was the end of it. He changed my life. He would say to me, “These guys playing around here at these bars, they aren’t your competition. John Mayer is your competition.”

Me: If you could share the stage with anybody, Joseph, who would it be?

Joseph: Hmmm, I don’t like sharing stages. LOL. Just kidding. I’d love to play a show with John Mayer actually speaking of him... He can play some lead on my songs, and some harmonies... and we could sing a few tunes together. I can let him sing a few on his own too. Haha.. He’s talented. I wouldn’t mind collaborating with him. Also would love to have folk legends, Indigo Girls sing with me on stage. They were a huge influence for me in high school and college. As folk artist and lyricists, they are it. Very profound story telling.

Me: So, do you have a band that plays on the EP with you or did you do everything yourself?

Joseph: Full band. These guys have toured with some of the greats. Vern Monnett (lead guitar/pedal steel), Lynn Coulter (drums), Steve Nelson (bass), Bobby Crew (keys), Craig Stull (background vox), Andy Najera (sax)... and my co-producer/engineer Brian Soucy.

Me: What do you have planned next, Joseph?

Joseph: CD release show in L.A. end of June, and then one in NYC in July and a few east coast shows, then possibly a residency I am working on in downtown Los Angeles. Also, I’ve been writing custom songs for folks for special occasions. I just started my 3rd one for a client and I absolutely love it... and so do they. It’s a great gift idea. If anyone is interested, contact me for details.

Me: Man, I hope this was a fun interview. Go ahead and mention your website and everything. I wish you continued success and I hope you'll come back on the Phile soon. Take care.

Joseph: This was a great interview indeed. Thank you so much!, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and all social media stuff, you can find me @JosephEidMusic.

Me: Good job. Can't wait for the EP to come out.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Joseph for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Friday with singer Julio Duran from Polar Waves. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker